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When I grew up in the 1990s, the government seemed to believe that wage disparity between genders was most effectively handled by telling girls that anything was possible. Splashy, lurid pink ads assured me that structural and social impediments would yield to my self-belief.

Experts have since refuted the belief that someone can improve their situation through upbeat attitudes. Will Storr, in his work Selfie, unpacks how the neoliberal myth of equal opportunities supports much of personal development trends.

However, I still feel that still believes that through diligent effort and assemble a firm goal map, I ought to achieve my wildest dreams: the sole barrier to my fate rests on my shoulders. Where can I locate a harmonious middle ground, a stability between believing that I am capable of anything but avoiding self-reproach for all missteps?

The Key Resides in Self-Effacement

The answer, per an early Christian thinker, a theologian from ancient Africa, is humility. Augustine wrote that humility was the foundation of every other moral quality, and that in the quest for the divine “the first part requires modesty; the second, meekness; the last, lowliness”.

Being an ex-Catholic such as myself, the concept of meekness can evoke a range of negative emotions. My upbringing occurred at a time in religious history when caring about your looks constituted the sin of vanity; sexual desire was deemed improper beyond reproduction; and merely considering self-pleasure was deemed a transgression.

It’s unlikely that this was Saint Augustine’s intention, but for many years, I mixed up “meekness” with guilt.

Balanced Modesty Does Not Involve Self-Hatred

Embracing modesty, according to mental health expert Ravi Chandra, does not mean self-loathing. An individual practicing constructive modesty is proud of their skills and accomplishments while recognizing that knowledge is infinite. He defines multiple forms of modesty: respect for diversity; meekness across ages; openness to learning; awareness of limits; recognition of room for growth; appreciation for others’ wisdom; reverence for the sublime; and humility in the face of suffering.

Psychological research has also identified a range of benefits stemming from open-mindedness, such as enhanced endurance, tolerance and bonding.

Meekness in Action

During my career as a pastoral care practitioner in aged care, I presently consider modesty as the practice of focusing on someone else. Modesty is an act of re-grounding: coming back, breath by breath, to the floor under my feet and the individual across from me.

A few people who share with me the same five anecdotes about their past, over and over again, every time I see them. Rather than counting minutes, I attempt to hear. I work to keep an open mind. What can I learn from this individual and the stories that have stayed with them amidst so much loss?

Philosophical Stillness

I try to live with the spiritual mindset which expert Huston Smith described as “productive stillness”. Ancient Chinese sages encourage humans to quiet the ego and live aligned to the flow of creation.

This could be particularly important amid efforts to restore the harm humanity has caused upon Earth. As written in her work Fathoms: The World in the Whale, Rebecca Giggs notes that practicing humility allows us to rediscover “the primal self, the being that trembles toward the unseen". Adopting a stance of modesty, of uncertainty, enables us to recognize people are components of an expansive system.

The Beauty of Meekness

There exists an emptiness and despair that comes with believing you can do anything: success – whether this means becoming wealthy, shedding pounds, or gaining political power – transforms into the single permissible result. Meekness allows for elegance and defeat. I embrace meekness, rooted in the earth, implying the essentials are available to flourish.